Category Archives: psychology

community, conflict resolution, negotiation, organizational development, Parenting, psychology, teens, young people

Conflict Resolution — A fresh look

Approach conflict resolution like you would crossing a river
Image courtesy of Yodod / flickr.com

Why do you encounter the same conflict over and over? Probably because you are using the same strategy you have been using many times before. Conflict resolution is not achieved because for you it is. Conflict resolution works best when those involved can identify the particulars that make this situation different from the last.

Successful problem solving requires you to look at all situations with a fresh perspective no matter how similar they look. The hiker above may have crossed the stream from the same point a hundred times, but he has never crossed it the same way twice. Why?

Water flow and levels are in constant flux due to rainfall. Water temperature varies with the weather. The stones on which the hiker steps on are weathered or not in the same place. These are but a few of the changes that exist each time the hiker crosses the stream even if it is at the same point.

It is futile to imagine crossing the river in exactly the same manner. Similarly, there is no point in looking at the same student, child, or employee sitting before you in the same regard as the last time you were in a conflict resolution situation with them. No matter how familiar a conflict feels, there is always something different about it.

What is different this time? How can this difference play a key role in resolving the issue? How can you get those involved in the conflict — possibly you — to see how these key nuances could get you to a resolution, just like the hiker has to roll up his pant leg higher because the water level is a bit higher than the last time he crossed due to the excessive rainfall the day before.

For more tips check out Conflict Resolution Strategies

community, conflict resolution, negotiation, organizational development, Parenting, psychology, teens, young people

Changing Your Focus Creates New Possibilities

Screen Shot 2014-05-07 at 12.01.36 PMIt is not what we look at that bothers us, rather it is what we choose to focus on. The young woman has an object of interest in her sights and is now focusing more closely on a particular aspect of the subject. What she focuses on will determine the outcome of the impression she makes. Another photographer may focus on another part of the subject giving it a new perspective and new meaning.

The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated that people are not disturbed by things but by the view they have of them. So is the case when leaders are confronted with organizational issues with subordinates or when a parent is working out a problem with a child. Contention arises when we neither make an attempt to focus on mutual interests nor seek to understand other perspectives.

When this occurs with organizations that service young people or in the parent/child case, the young people feel the brunt of the stalemate or battle. In the former, a worker’s strike or contemptuous attitude to spite administration or workers could adversely impact services causing quality to diminish. An organization’s mission could be compromised. In the latter case, a parent may use punishment or restrictions until the child concedes or the child may become defiant and obstinate if needs are not heard or met.

Those effective at problem-solving have a knack for looking at something from all perspectives, broadening his or her level of understanding, therefore allowing greater possibilities to find a resolution where all parties are satisfied. My upcoming book, What You Can Learn From Your Teenager: Lessons in Parenting and Personal Growth, offers parents the possibility to minimize these setbacks and negative impact on the parent/child relationship by changing how they look at their teenager. The book gives parents an opportunity to focus on all aspects of their adolescent, resulting in a more balanced and healthy relationship. And as a bonus, the parent may even learn something about themselves in the process.

psychology

Celebrating the life of Dr. William Glasser

William Glasser’s Eulogy

Dr. Glasser was influential in both my personal and professional life.  I never met him personally but saw him present his mode of therapy while I was studying Counseling Psychology at Lehigh University in the mid 90s.  He along with several other leaders in the field of cognitive behavioral therapy were invited to role play their mode of treatment.  I was awestruck by how he easily connected with the client (an actress) and I will never forget how in comparison to the other therapists, he made the client feel hopeful, enthusiastic, and empowered.  At the end of the role plays the actress was asked to talk about how the sessions went and of course Dr. Glasser came out on top.

I was already hooked onto the concepts of Reality Therapy from what I had read in graduate school and when I saw the venerable Glasser that day demonstrating the effectiveness of Reality Therapy/Control Theory I became an ardent practitioner and believer.  I am actually in the process of writing a book for parents with teens, using the teen as a model of inspiration to both improve a parent’s ability to parent and also to improve the parent’s ability to live a more fulfilling life.  The first lesson and upon which the book builds starts with an explanation and understanding of fulfilling basic needs based on Dr. Glasser’s work.

Words cannot express the influence he has had on my life and those with whom I have worked.  Every accolade mentioned in the obituary was rightfully earned.  It is my belief that his teachings will only gain in popularity and spread with the passing of time.  I am grateful for his contribution not only to the field of psychology but also to the advancement of human understanding at a basic and fundamental level.  Go well William Glasser!